Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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