I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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