I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
