Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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