I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
