Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
