SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
