I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
