Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
