you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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