My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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