she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
