we're blogging at a bar
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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