He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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