you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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