don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
