It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Damn victory sex feels great
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
