i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
