put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
