Who wears a wallet chain?!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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