guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize