So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I supernannyed him into submission
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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