he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
