She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
