Acid is not a monday night drug
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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