Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dear god my vagina.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
