If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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