you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
