So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
