A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
