Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
