Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
