im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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