I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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