I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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