Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize