If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
