People in love make me want to vomit
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pants are for mortals
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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