I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
