Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize