too bad you live with your parents still
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize