420 ftw
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and she was petting her beer can
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
