the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
