Where are you?
In a non slutty way
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
