Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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