My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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