Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
