The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
