if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
