watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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