the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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