I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
