I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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