Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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