Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
