i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
