im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
