I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My bed smells like the plague
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
there is another microwave in the elevator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
