Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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