Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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