Someone shit on the floor
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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