Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
