I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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