Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
