Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
