i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this will be a night to untag.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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