Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my liver is dry heaving
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
