My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
