I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
