you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
4 words: hood of his car
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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