im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
