How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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