just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
