And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
